I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
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she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I checked into jail on foursquare
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
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As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
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