he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
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Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I think your dad took our porno
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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