I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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