"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
