exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Randomize
