Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
