speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
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