I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
