So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
