You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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