I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
