I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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