Banned from zoo.
Again?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
