SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
