Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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