Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
do herpes really smell.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
