there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
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The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
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Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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