Cold hands, warm shart.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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