watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
