is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
