OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I could fuck to npr.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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