I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
