we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
