He asked to "fluff my boner.."
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
