"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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