just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues