Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries