She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
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Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
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Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.