you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
