no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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