Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
