you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
i think my cat just said my name.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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