I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
