so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
