I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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