I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
