It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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