i'm signing you up for texting rehab
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
