i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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