Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
My day in three words: secret purse cake
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Randomize
