So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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