if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
