The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
