he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
