just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
