She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
