Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
