I looked at my own cervix.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
