Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
