she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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