Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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