she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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