There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
