i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
