if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize