she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
