a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
God I need to hump something, right now.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
