This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
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She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
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That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
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