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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Edward fifth and chaser hands
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
