did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
