This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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