see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
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Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
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I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize