as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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