My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
