Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize