This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
