i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
