you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
