Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
