I'm jealous of your bromance
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Randomize
