Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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