I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
