wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
