I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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