what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
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