I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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