You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
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He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I love you. Go after that dick
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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