How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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