mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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