his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
