who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
ttyl tear gas
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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